Quicksand
by dorkchops
Summary: Guilt stricken Nikola feels horrible for teaming with SCIU, he writes Helen a letter she wasn't meant to find but did, will she accept his apologize? Does she love him? Contains: Drunk Helen, Naughty bits and two flash backs into their past.
1. Sinking Feeling

**Yes I know there are a lot of letters, and it's over done but this comes from reading through** **chartreuseian's story** **Letters To The Past**, **I was inspired. Also I'm trying to keep the muse from running away, hopefully this helps. And yes it is angst ridden. :-P  
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**I don't own the lyrics they are from the song Quicksand by Finger Eleven.  
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><p>Slow, sinking feeling, kills the mood, you're conveying-<br>and it pulls me, far down below.  
>It might, be best if you go.<br>Can it not wait, and hope for the best?  
>Will it not stop, a while to rest?<br>I, need to get up-  
>yeah need to get up, never mind, cause I've-<br>I've done enough.

Nikola sat in his office at SCIU surrounding him were dozens of crumpled up pieces of paper, each ripped out and frantically scribbled on from his favorite personal journal. Nikola's tie was loose, his hair was a mess and he hadn't bathed in a week. There was a box of empty wine bottles at the front of his desk, the glass next to him was nearly empty. Anyone who looked in on him would think that he was masterfully plotting his next great invention, they would be wrong, he was writing a letter, a letter to her.

_Helen, _

_This must be my tenth attempt at writing to you, I cannot seem to make the words come out just the way I want them to. You'll be most amused I'm sure. Normally if I need a word they come to me, but not on this particular sheet of paper, it's content I need to convey to you, to find a way for you to understand, to understand my point of view here. I was only trying to do what I thought was best. I've once again gotten in too deeply. No I do not learn, not even after all these years, do I learn not to make the same mistakes, for I am a man driven by not only madness, the madness to create and improve the world, shape things to my liking, and this is a powerful and dangerous thirst I have been playing with for, well, ever. This time I've gone and done something I swore I'd never do again, I've hurt you. I went behind your back and bedded down your enemy, so soon after you did everything in your power to give me back my life, this life I have owed to you on many separate occasions. _

'Cause the world waits around,  
>but I keep slipping and losing ground.<br>Do I not try so hard so good?  
>I can't keep changing just because,<br>you think I should.

_I would like to tell you how very sorry I am, but I feel that sorry isn't what you really need to hear. I think what you do need to hear from me is my admission, the admission that I Nikola Tesla, was wrong, selfish and wrong. I would like to be someone you can rely-on, someone you can trust as much as I trust you, but I am forever flawed Helen, how many times have I wished that we were able to re-write the past? Many, and recently we had that chance. _

Said, all I need to,  
>and you don't, understand still.<br>Wish you saw- picture my mind's-  
>eyes are deep and they're cynical.<p>

_I know I am a selfish "bastard" but I'd never do anything to erase what's become of us as people. Who we are now, and who you are to me is far more important than fixing things between us. Our relationship is the way it is now out of my own doing, and the fact that you may never speak to me again has shaken my ground. I hope you know that I do respect you and I do hold you in highest regard, Helen. You are the only one I can look at as my equal. Only time can heal the betrayal and I do hope you'll find it in your heart to once again look past my foolish mistakes and believe in me again. _

One, taken four more.  
>Kills the pain, healing that sore.<br>I, I've taken what's left- I took it all,  
>and now you won't,<br>let me forget, forget, forget,

_Looking at your face and seeing the pure disappointment in your eyes of deep ocean blues, was simply heartbreaking. I never meant to hurt you as much as I did. I honestly didn't think you really cared that much, but this, and I must be really as daft as you say I am, but what we have been through lately, it tells me you do care about me deeply. I appreciate it so much, the things you do for me, the kindness you've shown me over the years when no one else would. And for always putting me in my place. I hope you continue to do just that. All I can do is promise to make it up to you however I can, be a better man. _

_All my love,_

_Nikola._

I lost my self confidence, in the quicksand.

_Of course you will never get to read this..._


	2. Lost and Found

**I was originally going to have him walk in but I got tired, I might add a third chapter yet.**

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><p>She'd found it stuffed between the cushions of her the sofa in her office, it must have fallen out of his pants pocket the last time he was here. She had somewhat forgiven him for the things that had happened regarding his job ad SCIU, at least enough to allow him a drink as a reward to being good help to Henry. She sat back in her own office chair and read the words form the crinkled up piece of paper, something she was never meant to see. Helen's bottle of Bordeaux was nearly gone, and so was her composure. Some would question her choice in music but there were sides of Helen Magnus no one saw, and no one would ever know about. Everyone was gone somewhere or another so this was her time to blast her music over the PA system and sing at the top of her lungs. At the moment there were more pressing matters at hand, she wanted to write him back.<p>

When I read the letter you wrote me, it made me mah mah mad  
>When I read the words that it told me,<br>It made me sah sah sad,

_Nikola, _

_I have to confess to you now before this goes any further, I am more than a little drunk. I know I was never supposed to see that letter but for whatever reason it ended up in my chesterfield cushions and now it's here next to me keeping my near empty wine bottle company. I know you were just here not so very long ago, only I didn't realize it then that there were things that had to be said. I read this letter and it made me furious trying convince me that your callous most belligerent actions were something you were doing with the best interest of abnomrals in mind, as well as having my best interest in mind. _

_I had to hold onto the table to not fly off and find you, so I could personally tear you into a million tiny bits, but then I kept reading... I need to apologize for the way I have been treating you, you don't deserve it. There was a time when I considered you my friend and closet confidant. _

But I still love you so, I can't let you go, I love you, ooh baby I love you.

_Maybe I have been keeping you at arms length but I've never meant to make you feel inadequate, and utterly useless. I don't know if I have ever really thanked you for the things you have done for me, not only now but throughout the years. As much as a right arse that you are a good percent of the time, there are times you do things that completely astound me, and that brilliance shines through. (excuse the pun.) I don't mean to come on so harsh. The truth is, it's just what I am now accustomed to doing. I've built myself into the role of ever fearless leader and making tough calls is apart of the business, and I'm afraid that it doesn't always include fairness to friends. I've built myself some pretty fine walls to keep me safe, but I'm starting to feel just a little sorry that I've cut you down in the process. I've also not forgotten any of the times we have shared that you keep bringing up. I do long for simple days. _

You hurt me to my soul oh oh oh oh,  
>You hurt me to my soul ohh ohh,<p>

_I can't keep holding everything you do over your head, it's not healthy to hold a grudge and with our life span it can work out to a huge allotment of time, and it's a waste. I don't hate you Nikola, and I'm sorry if I've ever made that seem so. You're actions are what have driven me mad, but in the end I do trust you'll always make the right choice, which you have. You are right I do care about you._

Darling please don't go.

Oh Baby I still love you so.

_Tvoj. _

_Helen._


	3. Confession

**This got so very long very fast, I had no idea it was going to turn into so much more then a letter. There should be one more Ch after this to close it off, at least I think only one anyway.** **Thanks for reading, and reviewing.**

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><p>Just as Helen singed the letter she noticed her music had been shut off, she wasn't sure for how long she had been too preoccupied in thought to realize the silence. Her stomach lurched having a dreadful feeling she knew who was going to walk through the door. Helen wasn't ready, ready for anyone to see her, especially not ready to face him.<p>

"Helen?" He had knocked but he had also pushed her door further open letting himself in at the same time. That was just like the prat to let himself in. "Are you alright? I know what it means when Robert Plant is singing sweet nothings in your ear." He wasn't fully looking at her he'd spotted the empty wine bottle and quickly had to asses the situation, should he back up and leave her alone? No she hadn't said a word yet, just sat there blinking at him, and hiding something on the desk? Her eyes were also glassy.

"Why bother knocking if you are just going to waltz right in?" She glared "Then, you know fully well it means that I want to be alone," She shot back at him eyes growing dark, Helen had to put back up her cold front and hope he got the chill.

He had his hand on his hips, as usual looking her over, he decided to go over anyway and sit on the edge of her desk. His rump was becoming a common element on her desk. He picked up the wine and took the last mouthful "Hm, 1975 feeling a bit nostalgic?" He laughed. "Either someone is celebrating something, or you are awfully depressed?"

She shook her head rubbing her temples. "I can't deal with your nonsense right now, Nikola, why are you here?" She was also good at pretending to be sober but the evidence was in his hand.

Nikola laughed and shook his head setting the bottle down. "You really are haggard. You sent me six messages Helen, claimed there was an emergency, that you couldn't give me the details so of course I rushed over."

"What?" Her eyes grew wide she scanned the desk for her phone not finding it. She then realized there was a lump in her sweater, she swiveled around in her chair and pulled her phone from her cleavage. Of course he'd leaned sideways to crane his neck for a peek at her goods. "I did no such-oh." She had no recollection of even picking up her phone.

"I hate to say I told you so." He was waving a hand in the air for emphasis. "Oh wait, no I'd love to say I told you so," He was of course smirking deliciously.

She had no explanation for him other than the obvious. "Remind me why I allow you to come inside? Oh, wait I don't you break into my house whenever you please, we can't seem to keep you out." she told herself she had to keep this up, it was better to keep him away but he made it so hard.

"Yet you never ask me to leave when I do, demanding it has never worked now has it? Well it looks like I missed the party, now that I know there is no fire why don't I go get us another bottle and you can tell me why you're wallowing?" He then noticed she was hiding something on the desk, it was in her perfectly constructed hand writing on closer inspection he spied his name.

"What's that?" His quizzical childlike expression was enough to make her want to reach out and pinch his cheeks. Helen just gazed into his eyes a moment, then admired his good bone structure, strong, it followed down his neck and over his shoulders, oh how she secretly wished she could hang off his shoulders for weeks. She hadn't realized she was staring at his lips, unconsciously licking her own.

"Helen, my sweet? You're staring," He his eyes light up with his grin, he knew he'd caught her this time. "I may not be able to read your mind but I know the come hither and sex me now look, Helen. You can just take it whenever you what I'm ever ready and willing to head your every desire." The last words slipped of his tongue like melted milk chocolate.

Damn, how had she let herself get so weak? It was the booze, far too much of a good thing is never a good thing. Even if it had tasted sweet and smelled like him. She scoffed. "You can just head yourself right off my desk and out the door!" Then it occurred to her what he was looking at, she quickly flipped over the page. "It's tax season Nikola, you know those papers you neglect to fill out each year?"

"If you remember, I am for all intense and purposes, dead. It's kind of hard to file a tax return from beyond, don't you think? And committing federal offense has become a bit of a hobby of mine over the years. If you are in fact doing taxes why is my name there, with a little pink heart?" The smirk that crept the corners of his mouth, showing his teeth, sent a shiver down her spine. She'd wedged a foot around a desk leg in order to not lunge at him demanding to be ravished.

Helen blinked out of her fantasy, shit she thought, she was trapped. She wanted her hands around his neck. "I-I..." She had nothing. Nikola reached down and grabbed the note book, she had enough time to grab it back and they both tugged for it. Unfortunately he won and hopped down off the desk and quickly moved out of the way, he stood over by the fireplace.

"Nikola, no don't!" She nearly knocked over her chair as she stood up to shout at him. It was too late.

Nikola cleared his throat about to read it out-loud but as he scanned it over quickly he stopped, colour draining from his face as he looked up at her. "You, found my letter?" He hadn't even known it was missing, he also hadn't noticed his hand was shaking as he continued to read. His eyes fixed in on the last word, it was in his native tongue, she'd signed it "Yours."

"Nikola?" No response. "Nikola?"

He hadn't noticed that she was now standing with him until she put a hand on his own to stop the shake. It explained a lot, why she was wallowing, why she was drunk, why she'd text him. He kept scanning the page taking in every letter. It had been a very long time since anyone had rendered him speechless, the last had also been her after she had talked him through a rather rough night soon after he'd lost his Vampireism. She'd kept his old panic at bay and he wasn't sure how to thank her in a sincere way. His letter to her had told all, and she'd seen it, and hers was a gift he never expected. She was already touching him so he thought he had an invitation. Taking the chance he reached out to slide his fingers over her cheek. "Helen."

Helen found herself pulling him closer wrapping her arms around his neck, finally closing the gaping distance between them. She let out breath she was unaware she was holding. His arms went around her waist snugly.

Nikola leaned in letting his lips linger dangerously close to hers. "You are drunk." He whispered. As badly as he wanted her, wanted to show her just how much he loved her for once and for all. Nikola would not take advantage of her while she was drunk and she would no doubt regret it in the morning.

His words snapped her back into reality and she pushed out of his arms. "Bastard!" Helen grew angry now, she wasn't sure why, it had hurt, hurt that he didn't let her have the moment instead, he had to go spoil it by being a prat. She finally wanted him. As soon as she pulled away Helen felt like there was something missing. God, why did her head throb so much? She could normally take her wine, but that particular bottle had done it's job.

Nikola's face fell into a deep frown. "What on earth could I have possibly done now?" He questioned, it had been a very long time since he seen her like this, he almost forgot that when she drank to much her emotions were much of a roulette wheel. "You know I meant every word that I wrote, but I never intended for you to see it, at least not that way."

"Coward!" She accused, clenching her fists. Her face flushed hot with emotion, when the flood gates came down those around her had better know how to swim. "I pour my heart out to you and you just stand there and gloat about it with too much hair gel and your fangs, and that awful grin, I can't bloody stand it," she lied of course.

"How? How does that make me a coward? I just caught you hiding your own words from me, minutes ago." He waved the paper at her. "I think you are the one being childish this time," He cut back, knowing things were about to get out of hand. "You are speaking nonsense, it's the grape talking Helen."

It wasn't often she lost control but her years were catching up on her and something was bound to give. She bit her lip and sighed, folding her arms over herself she suddenly felt much to vulnerable. "How did we get here Nikola? To this awful point?"

He shook his head. "It's my fault," He gave. "I've never been responsible for a thing other then my own creations, never my actions which have consequences, this time you got in the way of my ego. I hurt you...I am sorry." There it was out loud for her to hear it.

She nodded, then swallowed her pride. "I'm sorry too, I did mean my words."

"Now, tell me what's really going on here, Helen?" He took a seat in the chair behind him.

There was deep concern on his face, with shades of being hurt, she'd put it there this time she made sure he felt it. "I feel for you, Nikola that's what, I don't know how deal with that."


	4. Resistance

**I want to thank everyone who's read and reviewed this and has kept reading the story. This has spiraled into something bigger than I thought it would. I appreciate the feedback. I also want to thank Arones for being my beta reader.**

** Note: Let's pretend for continuity sake that in the last chapter I wrote that she was sitting at her desk wearing a nice pair of pyjamas. I also hope no one minds that I borrowed the idea of Nikola speaking in his native tongue now and then from another writer, I've only seen one person do this, but I like the idea even if the internet is a poor source for translation, so forgive me please.  
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******There is one more Chapter after this and I **_**think **_**it's finished.******

**-B **

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><p>It felt to Helen that if at any minute her body would be swooping down to the floor. The tension and weight of her body along with the booze were doing a number on her. Her mind was at war with her body. Part of her wanted to get as far away from him as possible, maybe take her plane to New Zealand and hide for a while. Boy she wished they had space ships, but she knew Nikola would find her in another galaxy if he had to, he always found her. The rest of her thoughts were of pulling him into the comforting darkness her bedroom, fulfilling those fantasies that had been plaguing her for most of the evening. (In truth much longer.) She looked into Nikola's darkened blue eyes and wonder for a moment if he still had a soul? Or had the Source Blood abolished it.<p>

Before Helen realized what had happened Nikola had taken it upon himself to scoop her up in his arms to carry her off to bed.

"Put me down!" she demanded making a pitiful attempt at escape, it was no use, and she was even a little glad he had.

"Resistance, is indeed futile my love." Helen huffed and tried to hide her smile as he kicked her bedroom door open further.

"This is going right to your head isn't it? Both of them." She laughed. Helen caved and let herself curled into his neck taking in his sent. Would it kill her to let go?

"Oh, moja ljubav you know me so well. Now, I'll get you into bed, fetch your warm milk and keep you company until you fall asleep, a story perhaps? You used to love my stories, I never did tell you about the time I caught some miscreants breaking into my old lab..."

Helen looked up at him as he carefully placed her into bed and took off her slippers for her. The whole thing was odd but pleasant at the same time. She closed her eyes. "Where did this other side of you come from Nikola?" Looking at him again. "In all our years together I've not seen you be this gentle, this..." She trailed off.

"Loving?" He answered, then with a shrug. "You have simply never given me the chance, and it's only recently you stopped chasing me with Xavier." He always did like that the eccentric woman named the gun she slept with. Nikola had the same tendency to give things like his inventions pet names, before giving them official ones.

She felt a pang of guilt, but she pushed it aside. "He's been the only man in my bed for some time." She let this slip out. Her thoughts were racing again. Helen couldn't remember the last man in her bed, had it really been that long?

"Is that a hint?" He questioned coming to the edge of the bed.

With a sheepish grin, "Possibly?"

Biting her lip she sat up and reached out for his shirt tugging him down on top of her. She needed to feel his body smooched with her own. Nikola came down against her hard pushing her into the mattress, as she'd wanted. Reaching for his neck and a handful of hair she dug her nails in then and caught his mouth with her own kissing him with a feverish need. He didn't have time to blink, his insides were insisting he comply with her actions and so he did. He dipped his tongue into her mouth searching, tasting desperation, and the left over wine which was bitter sweet. Nikola hadn't noticed until now that he'd bit her lip when he came down. He could taste her blood in his mouth, the sweet iron to his lips was as glorious as he'd imagined. He bit her lip sharply to take just a little more while let his hands roam her body. Helen moaned hot into his mouth. She was still griping his shirt tightly, knuckles almost white, both pain and pleasure searing through her. She looked up into his now blackened eyes facing his inner demon in a more intimate way. "Nikola," she whispered into the chill of dimly lit room.

"I wasn't going to take advantage Helen, but it seems you've left me no choice." His tone was several octaves lower now, and she was fully aware that she'd brought this about herself.

She had done her very best for so long but Helen had finally crumbled and said it to him. "Oh bite me, Nikola" She quipped in that tone only she could mange. A smirk curled her lips and she clung to him tighter.

He searched her face and could see that behind the smirk there lay seriousness in that statement. "Now I know you've gone mad..."

"What of it if I have then?" She questioned seriously, before smirking. Her hand found it's way between their bodies getting a handful of his bulge that was pressed firmly against her.

"As you wish."

If Helen had been dealing with Nikola the person he would have stopped this long ago and said goodnight, but there had been blood involved and only a shadow of the man remained. She had a hold of his manhood edging him on, she offered herself to him willingly.

Nikola let out a hissing growl. Shoving her head to the side, he pulled her top away from her neck, he slipped his extended nails in the silky material and removed her of it completely, long with her bra. He took a long lick up toward her ear before he slid back down picking the best spot. His hands finding the mounds of her white breasts squeezing. As he did this she was undoing his belt losing his pants so she could more properly stroke more than just his ego.

Nikola had pinned her to the bed, she shivered when his fangs grazed her skin. "ti okus poput raj." When he bit into her neck she squeezed him hard, making his stiffness twitch in his hand. She would be marked from this. Her moan filled the air doing her best to say his name but it came out in mumbles. She feed him for a few seconds, it was a strange feeling of pain, pleasure and what she could only name as electricity running through her body at the same time. Helen could get very used to this. She had nothing to compare it too, and she was sure she had came a little from it. The warmth of his tongue lapping her wound eased the sting. Helen yanked his head back, he had his fun. "Just do me already." She demanded looking into his reddish-black eyes.

The last of their clothes were were quickly shed. "Thanks for not wearing the iron bloomers tonight, I haven't got time to find a lock smith." He snickered.

"Oh, You lousy frigger!" She rolled her eyes and slapped him on the back of the head. "I ought to put you on the floor, take care of that lump yourself!"

"But Helen, my lovely vampirous lump is only for you." This time he got a snorting laugh out of her, he took a moment to suck on and nip her breasts and for that she slapped him again.

"Don't tease." She warned.

He paused before he did it again, only Helen was the one who growled this time. She wrapped her legs around his waist squeezing, she put her hands on his shoulders effortlessly shifting so she was the one mounting him. Sharply dragging her nails down his chest, she leaned in to graze her lips to his then pinched his nipples. "Next time I get Xavier," She whispered the threat, and gestured low showing him exactly where she would stick it.

Apparently the Vampire in Nikola had awoke something fiendish in her he observed. "A bullet to the junk is hardly fair trade for a little tease." He was nervous a moment, he gave his best wounded puppy impression. "Sazaljenje." He surrendered and took in the sight of her magnificent frame and was enjoying every moment of this.

He enjoyed it even more when she lifted his shaft and started to slowly lower herself over down every inch of his cock, the last she took at once. She was soaked. Nikola pulled her down for a kiss she didn't resist this time she grinned her hips against him intending to ride him until they both came.

The dizzying, hot, toe curling wave of orgasm hit her hard releasing all the tension she'd been saving. Maybe part of her was saving it to take out on him. If there had been anyone on that floor at the time they would have surly heard her screams. "Helen." She knew what he wanted and she found herself on her back once more looking up at him in his sweaty glory. Her leg wrapped around him again this time keeping him close as he trusted deeply into her folds, she grabbed the sheets and steadied herself as he came. "Nikola!" They couldn't make up for the years of sexual tension at once but she thought it would be damned fun to try.


	5. Mates

**This story has grown a mind of it's own! The last chapter became far too long had to be cut in three! Here is the first of them, enjoy! :-D  
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><p><em>All I wanted from you<em>

Sunlight peaked through the curtains of Helen's bedroom. Nikola hadn't seen her look that peaceful in a very long time, he admired his handy work on her neck noting that it was most definitely going to scar. He had resisted for a long time but there had been no point to lay there any further. His mind was racing beyond his control, what would her reaction be when she woke? Did she really mean what she had wrote or was that just due to drinking? So many questions and he wasn't sure he wanted the answers.

In their interactions over the past few of years Nikola had spent a good deal of it making it seem like his advances were shallow, that they were based on lust and nothing more. Then he'd let it slip that he loved her, that had even been a shock to him. How could he have just told her like that? There never had been a real love of his life besides work but Helen had always been there for him in the past. She'd always understood him when so many questioned his sanity, she saw the sides of him he refused to show anyone else and above all that she was the one who made him what he was. He did indeed love

her.

Old worry met him that morning along with a crippling anxiety he hadn't faced in years. Nikola always knew great minds were doomed by mental downfalls. For the most part he'd overcome most of those challenges but still, traces of his past remained. He questioned if she would even want to look at him at all. She had been pissed out of her mind last night. That wasn't the way he'd wanted them to finally be together. There was evidence in her letter, now it was taunting him from his pants pocket. Nikola extracted the letter from his pants pocket, sitting at the foot of her bed reading it again. Why had it taken her so long? More questions that fed his growing frustration. He folded it away then finished dressing. Nikola stood over her for a moment, before he pulled the blankets further over her pale bare shoulder. He carefully kissed her cheek doing his best not to wake her, and then he left.

_Was a night, maybe two_

When Helen woke it was extremely cold. She swore every bone in her body hurt, and some places she didn't know could, ached. She couldn't understand why. She groaned, the light through the window was enough to split her skull into tiny bits. When she shifted to the other side of her bed to cradle her pillow, it smelled of someone else. Helen shot up straight.

"Sweet hells." She rubbed her forehead.

Hazy images of the night before appeared to her. What had she done? What had they done? It didn't seem real to her but she knew very well that it hadn't been a dream. She pulled the sheet around her naked frame, but his sent was all over her bed, it was intoxicating, striking an attacking her nostrils. Then it hit her, where was he? Her hand found her neck which burned with pain.

"Bloody." She thought Nikola would be pleased as punch with himself for that one. She needed a shower but the bathroom seemed like it was worlds away, but only across the room. On shaky legs she made it to the floor, grabbed her robe from it's place on the chair.

"Come on old girl it's just a few feet away, we can do this." She coached herself and wondered if there was enough hot water in the world to ease the all over ache.

Helen stood under the hottest water she could stand, letting the strong spray of the jets take her mind to a more calming place. She thought back over the night before and couldn't recall a time she'd felt more... alive. Come to think of it, she always felt that way around him but what they had done had been so much more than just a good romp, she was sure. She'd poured her heart out in that letter and though she had been drinking as she wrote it she meant every-word. Nikola had always meant something to her but she'd always dismissed it as a very strong friendship.

She thought back to the day they had meet she had been crossing the gardens at Oxford. From one of the buildings she heard an argument between two men, one of them was yelling, the other speaking loudly in a language she knew very little of the other. she matched the English man to a stuffy hardheaded Physicist.

"_You're a fool Tesla, it just doesn't work like that, and until you can prove it further then it's best you keep this too yourself. And I say, you're in Britannia now lad, it's best if you master the King's English!"_

_The foreign man emerged from the building visibly shaken. The second thing she noticed was his funny hat that was far to small for his head, and then the quirky looking moustache that didn't sit right with the rest of his face, and his eyes were liquid sky. He was fumbling with a small metal contraption in his hand, thus not looking where he was going bumping into her knocking, her books from her hand. _

_The device he was holding dropped as well and broke. He dropped to the ground and scooped it into his hands. He was muttering in his native tongue. _

_As she reached for the bit that broke off of his contraption, Helen saw a his eyes were glassy, her immediately heart sank._

"_Are you alright?" _

"_So sorry, Miss," Nikola managed to stifle out, he apologized a few more times._

"_It's fine I promise. I couldn't help but hear the fighting between you and the professor, don't you mind him he's a right baboons arse-hole," She offered a huge warm grin and they both picked up her books. _

_He was laughing. "Such language for a beautiful woman."_

_Helen couldn't help but giggle at his pronunciation 'booty-full' "Why thank you." She laughed. "My name is Helen Magnus, you must be one of the exchange students that just came in." _

"_Yes," Nikola put his contraption in a bag he was carrying, He busied himself by wiping the dust from his pants with a handkerchief, He seemed to nearly forget she was standing there. "I am Nikola Tesla, new to school and country." He wiped his hands thoroughly before he reached for her hand and kissed her knuckles. Helen's face flushed. "Professor don't think my idea valid he is wrong." _

"_I'm sure he is!" She had no idea what it was but he sounded so sure of himself she agreed anyway. "Why don't you join me for tea, I would love to hear all about it," She offered him her arm, she hated seeing anyone so crushed and obviously lost. England was never the most welcoming in their treatment of foreigners but she would set him straight. _

_The look of anguish was quickly extinguished from Nikola's face at her invitation. "Wonderful, thank you, thank you." He grinned in a way that made her stomach flip. _

_Helen missed her last class of the day because of her tea with Nikola turning into a late dinner. He had story after story of all his invention ideas, with his only notes being locked away in his head and he could recall it all without fuss, this fascinated her. She had a feeling that his ideas were going to change the world. _

Today they were two very different people but they still carried on, and could talk for hours when she let him ramble. When Helen emerged from the shower she knew it hadn't been just the sexual tension building, or that she had a little too much wine. It was their history, their friendship, their love of the unknown and exploration, it had been a long time in the making, and she loved him.

_You beat me at my own game_


	6. A wing and a Prayer

**She had her memory in the last chapter then he begged for his own. This was supposed to be light hearted but it turned out anything but. I am sorry for the angst party in my stories. **Oh I don't own the lyrics to Heartbreak Down they are by the wonderful Pin ****

**Note: I have "Old City' named The City for lack of a better name because I doubted that when the Sanctuary opened the City was still called "Old City', New City was probably being built.**

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><p><em>No It's not okay<em>

He wanted to get as far away from the Sanctuary as fast as he could but first to avoid being questioned he slunk into Henry's lab. Nikola took to the computers to erase the images in the hallway that would have shown him entering and exiting Helen's room. He really had tried to teach Heinrich the 'Idiots guide to firewalls' but alas the mongrel never listened and he got in with ease.

Once done he found himself outside it was a cool summer afternoon. Nikola was ready to leave when he heard chirping. He hadn't realized that a few birds had found their way back to the Sanctuary. After the birdhouse had been destroyed in the last rain storm. He'd found it abolished and was as nearly as devastated as they had been. They were poor misunderstood creatures he thought, just like him. His curiosity always got the best of him and he wouldn't leave the grounds without talking to his winged friends first, he made his way to Helen's lush garden.

"Hello my beauties! At last you have returned! I hope you are pleased with my handiwork in your abode." He grinned and counted them there were several pigeons, a lark, a blue-jay, and one dove. Nikola frowned there had been two the last time he'd seen them. The dove spotted him and flew over to peck around his feet.

"You've come home alone, Nada? How sad. Well I did think he was a bit of a scatter bird, you can do much better." He insisted.

"You know I keep sunflower seeds in my pocket for just an occasion." He grinned and reached in his jacket pocket for the small bag shedding some on the ground. He wanted to run in and tell Helen, but would she care? She mocked his love of the foul. If she called him 'Gonzo' one more time he would have to re-arrange her private library. He resisted his urge to leave and instead placed himself on the bench in front of the bird house. If only life were as simple as this, he'd have it made. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his mind. Nikola's thoughts slipped back to another time he'd feed the birds.

_Nikola sat alone on a bench in Central Park, but he would never be truly alone as long as there were birds at his feet. The sun above was splitting through the leaves of a large tree. It was a beautiful afternoon to sit near the stream, a cool summer breeze making it all the better. He feed his loves from a small brown bag, and didn't have a care in the world. Suddenly Nikola had the feeling someone was coming behind him. _

_When Nikola looked the woman approaching was dressed in all black from heel to her hat. Her face fixed in a frown that should never grace her beautiful features. He noticed her hair was even darker than he had ever seen. She was visibly exhausted. She was clutching a tissue in her hand. The woman sat on the bench with him and slid over close, she reached out slowly squeezing his hand. _

_I'm the one that's missing out_

"_Nikola?" _

_Helen Magnus had the most heartbreaking set of deep blue eyes he'd ever seen. _

"_Yes, my love?" The vampire shined his famous grin, awkward teeth and all. _

_Helen glared into his eyes enough to set his soul a blaze. "If you ever ask me to do anything like that again I will kill you **myself**." Her normally even voice was shaky. "And there won't be any coming back from it...And I am **not** your love." _

"_I would expect no less of you, Helen." _

_The hand that covered his was shaking. Nikola put his bird feed down and put his now free hand over top of hers, turning toward her. _

"_It was a beautiful day for a funeral wasn't it?" _

_She pulled her hand away she acted as if he'd just splashed scalding water on it. Helen inched away from him, she sat back and folded her arms. He had no idea why she was behaving this way, the whole thing had been her idea. They had worked together closely to plot his death together, secured his finances so that he could disappear and still support himself. He had been given a new set of identification as an ordinary American citizen. This to him had been a grand show, a carnival game, and she was the centrepiece of this scheme. She helped him pull it off gracefully. Helen was able to make it so everyone had no doubt that the body they used was his. Everyone believed that Nikola Tesla had died rich, happy old man. So why was she not ready for celebrating with him?_

"_Helen, what's the matter?" He titled his head to the side trying to get a sense of her troubles. He was no longer granted the grace of looking into her magnificent eyes, all he got was a cold shoulder. _

_Finally after a few tense minutes of silence she broke. "Are you really that daft? I've just come from your funeral, fake or no, Nikola, it-it was very unsettling." The Doctor sighed heavily and put the tissue she'd been tearing up into her coat pocket._

"_I'm sure your performance was non less than Oscar worthy, darling, but here I am on this bench with you now. I am a very happy man who's going to be indebted to you for the rest of our lives. You can hold that over my head as you please." He tried his best to lighten the moment, but remained confused as to why it was hurting her so much._

"_I'd rather hold your ankles over your head," She threatened. _

"_Shouldn't I do that to you?" He grinned. _

"_Damn it Nikola!" She shook her head. "I-I've come to tell you I'll be leaving tomorrow. The new Sanctuary in The City is near completion I need to be there, unpack the rest of my things. You know how to reach me if you need anything else. I do hope you take care of yourself Nikola." Her tone went was flat._

"_But Helen what about our plans? I have dinner set for eight, I had to pay Lenny the Leach a hundred and fifty extra dollars for the best seat at the Stork Club."_

"_You'll have to find someone else."_

_He wasn't sure but he thought he'd a silent tear creep down her cheeks. Did she really care about him that much? No, it looked to him like someone had torn her to bits. There had only been one other time he'd seen her this disheveled and that was at the hands on John Druitt, maybe he had returned? _

"_Is there something bothering you, Helen?" _

_Helen turned toward him and most unexpectedly grabbed his shoulders and kissed him firmly on the lips, before abruptly getting up and walking away without a word. _

Nikola did not see her again for sixty years.

It wasn't until some time later that he realized that his funeral was what had really shaken her so badly, he realized she loved him. She dare not admit it, and for her it would be two-hundred years later when she had. He never understood her any better now then he had when they meet, he'd also never questioned her about that day. There were so many memories that he had burned in the back of his mind. Nikola knew he had his chance to be with her now and it would not blow it again. Nikola slipped back into the Sanctuary and took a short cut to the kitchen. There were only three people who knew that the Sanctuary was ridden with secret passage ways, Helen, Biggie and himself. Nikola had after all helped her design the blueprints before she'd left New York. His heart just wasn't in it to go for the wine, instead he fixed himself a desperate man's version of a cappuccino. Nikola sat at the island and glanced over one of the books Helen had left around. He'd go find her after his drink.

_All I needed to do_


	7. Tea's gone cold

**I've decided to stop messing with this over and over again, and just post the final chapter. Once again thank you to those reading and those who have reviewed, it's very appreciated. Enjoy.  
><strong>

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><p><em>Was get just a taste of you<em>

Helen wasn't paying much attention when she stalked into the kitchen, the shower had helped but she still wasn't feeling a hundred percent.

"What on earth is that awful stench? Oh, Nikola you're still..." She trailed off and adverted her eyes from his, avoiding him entirely she dodged toward the kettle. Helen set herself to searching her cupboard for her favourite tea, to her dismay there was none to be found. _'Curses!' _She thought, Biggie hadn't gone to the specialty shop yet.

"Damn" She muttered, as well as some choice curse words under her breath, she banged the kettle back down on the burner. Helen had kept it a well guarded secret how much of a morning person she was not. All she could feel was his eyes at her backside.

"Here?" He drank some of his awful brown sludge. "Are you by chance looking for this?" He questioned, arching a well shaped brow, holding her sanity in his finger tips.

She let out a sharp breath through her nose and turned to him. Nikola he held up a single tea bag, not taking his eyes from the book in his hand. "Arse!" She gave a soft smile. She hoped she could stave off any serious conversation until after she had something to drink, it was far too early for anything stiffer, but it had crossed her mind.

"Yes, I am." She pouted at him edging for a little sympathy she knew she wouldn't get.

He was simply smirking over his mug.

_That smug bastard! _Helen walked over to take it from his hand, but he held it tight. "Niko, please." Her voice was as soft as warm butter. Possibly the pet name could soften load of the conversation they were about to have, but her tactics didn't seem to be working either.

"You expected me to be gone?" He asked, as she almost slipped, and fell into the pools of his gleaming blue eyes.

"Well...I wasn't certain what to expect," She admitted, breaking eye contact.

"How's your head?" He questioned, giving her a look over, trying to figure out what she'd been thinking.

_And now I'm sick all in my head_

"It's my neck that hurts," Helen rubbed a hand over broken tissue, and internally smiled at the memory of the night before. She opted against ways to hide it, she'd be questioned regardless.

Nikola's lips curved into a deep grin, he finally released the tea bag.

She wondered why was this so bloody awkward? They'd only just had mind numbing sex the entire night before, nothing too serious.

"Thank you, What are you reading?" She turned to take the teabag out of the packet and placed it in her '_Keep calm and Carry on'_ mug. She'd faced many things in the past but her feelings were the one thing she had been sure of, that was until he decided to muck up her thought process by sinking his fangs into her skin.

"Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters, I believe it belongs to the wookiee. " Helen simply laughed at him. He watched her behind her back, as the kettle finally boiled. It was a lovely back to look upon. He wouldn't dare tell her how he felt right now, that he was scared she would regret every moment they had spent together last night, that she would tell him that she never wanted him to break into her house again, and actually mean it. He pretended to read but could no longer avoid the inevitable.

She was the first to speak. "Nikola, we need to..."

"Talk?" He fished her sentence, and the last of his poor man's cappuccino.

_You poisoned me instead_

"Well I took care of the cameras so no one will know I was lurking in your chamber late last night." He had so many new worries he wasn't sure how to deal with. There hadn't been enough weight in their playful interactions to give him much care before, but now things had changed. Helen had always meant the world to him. Nikola had walked a dangerous line playing with her enemy and he really felt remorse for his actions.

"Thank you, but it wasn't necessary." That she could be sure of. She didn't need to explain herself to anyone, especially with such private matters. With cup of tea in hand she felt more confident and finally went to sit with him.

Nikola set down the book, took one look at her as she neared, he uncrossed his legs, then reached out and grabbed her around the waist dragging her into his lap. This nearly spilling her precious tea everywhere, a few drops spilled to the floor. She acted appalled.

"Nikola!" He was very much used to hearing his name in this tone, in only the way she could say it. However this time it was followed with a laugh as she settled on his lap, leaning back against his chest. _Giving in needn't be so difficult _she thought to herself.

"You do realize I have guns all over the Sanctuary?" She playfully threatened. "You've put my tea in grave jeopardy, the penalty for which is death. I also need to breath, Nikola." She pried at her Vampire's arm then took his hand.

"Why can't I choose cake?" He whined, and loosened his grip of her small waist, he relaxed enjoying the feeling of their laced digits.

"Because cake is for well mannered Vampirous only," She jeered. Helen made a mental note not to keep her retorts to herself anymore, there would no longer been need to hold back from him, but they always were more silly alone.

He scoffed at her. "But I'm all that's left!"

"Well then, you get none!" She shrugged, then casually drank from her mug and sighed with the relief her cup of tea always brought. It was so much fun to tease him.

He brought his other arm around her middle, hand flat against then thin material that was over her stomach. "Well then, what can I have?" She looked back at him and the adorable inquisitive look on his face was enough to give her a happy chill.

_Trust me, trust me, _

"I'm in your lap aren't I?" She turned sideways enough so she could touch his cheek and kiss the corner of his mouth briefly. _No more rejection._

"I was starting to wounder if I had you at all," Nikola admitted. "About last night, you know I-I would have never, taken you that way if you hadn't bled first... it complicated things." He only stumbled with his words when something was really bothering him.

She sighed heavily. "Oh Nikola, please stop apologizing for everything. You've already worked your way out of the ditch. I'm the one who was Betsy Boozy last night, I know you'd have never taken advantage of me while so vulnerable."

He laughed a little before continuing. "But there's something else Helen...there's a reason I left your bed this morning, and it's not what you'd think. I'm not sure if you remember what you said in your sleep, I wasn't even sure I had heard you correctly," He trailed off.

She set her mug down before turning completely sideways in the chair so she could lean into him and wrap her arm around his neck, the other idly playing with his collar a moment. Helen then pushed his chin so he was looking directly at blue to blue. "What was it that I said?"

Nikola's face paled. "You told me you'd never love anyone the way you loved me, but I knew it wasn't me you were speaking of, my stomach hasn't twisted in that manner in some time, Helen. I-I had to leave before you woke up and saw my face, I couldn't face the look of disappointment, I thought was coming, Helen. I know I can never be either of them."

"Oh Nikola, how do you know what I was dreaming of? You know better than to listen to that silly old rubbish in your head. You've come too far to let the old worries consume you." She wanted him to know that he was what she needed, but could she just say it? "I don't regret any of this, Niko." She leaned in and kissed him hoping she could covey enough with it to show him how she felt.

Nikola held her closer and sank into her kiss. He'd missed her being there to set him right when his demons would rear their ugly heads. He was thankful that she didn't have to do much to put him at ease. Pulling back he leaned his forehead to hears. "Helen..."

Helen whispered. "I love you." Then kissed him again, not giving him time to think anymore.

_I think I've got heartbreak down._


End file.
